Have you ever met a member of a historical re-enactment society? These peculiar people often staged their events on the same site that our circus performed. I remember a fellow in medieval garb arriving on the scene as we were departing from a venue in
“Got any contraceptive potions, mate?” asked one of our female employees facetiously.
He responded to this quip by remaining resolutely in character. “The venerable Longworm has written that a woman who swallows a bee will never again conceive from man or demon,” he declared.
The girl tittered and I walked over to have a chat.
“I see you are a graduate of the Catweazle school of medicine,” I said. “Is it true that a woman who swallows a goldfish will give birth to a mermaid, or possibly a fish-faced goblin?”
“Those are the words of Old Mother Muckton, the Fishwife of Fuckton,” he replied. “Last Michaelmas we put her in stocks and pelted her with parsnips for her false tongue.”
“In that case I am indebted to you for refuting her bogus theories,” I said. “What brings you here, good Sir? Is a battle in the offing?”
“Your premonition is true, O wise and wondrous ape! The Bastard of Normandy has arrived at
“Godspeed indeed!” I agreed. “Were it not for another pressing engagement, I would gladly assist in
It was actually a pleasant surprise to meet a medieval re-enactor, because
We shouldn’t forget the women, of course. Allowing them to be Roman soldiers would be ahistorical, but they can fight against them if they’re butch enough to be British and don’t mind acting in simulated rape scenes. Playing a Roman woman is more suited to the domestic goddess type who prefers to stay in the villa and recreate authentic dishes. The historical sources indicate that the mainstay of Roman cuisine was a fishy sauce in which they dipped their bread and marinated their meat – salsus vaginus as they called it.
But condiments notwithstanding, the best way to spice-up the Roman scene would be to muster an army of druid impersonators. Those mystical wizards made their last stand on the island on