Now, what is the problem with your lives? Well, it seems to me, my hairless little chums, that you have lost touch with reality. Instead of living, you talk about living, and even talk about people who do nothing but talk about living. A lot of you, for example, spend hours and hours reading story books. Now the stories may be full of action, with fighting, and mating, and fighting about mating. But reading about this stuff is no substitute for actually doing it. If you were really doing what you were reading about, there would be NO NEED to read about it! Reading about it is just a way of imagining you are doing it when you’re not! All this unreality leads to what you humans call the “stress of modern living”. But I call it the “DISTRESS of modern living”. You skulk about with long faces, repressing the universal primate instinct to dance from place to place while shaking your backsides and fondling each other. We hairy apes have an unkind description for you: UPRIGHT AND UPTIGHT.
So the aim of this blog is to help you to unwind and laugh at yourselves. And if my efforts in this direction cause just one of you to loosen up and discover the inner ape struggling to get out, it will all have been worthwhile.
P.S. This blog is being written with the assistance of Dr Larson Whipsnade, my business partner and English tutor.
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