A blog commentator once accused me of “sapiens-bashing”, implying that I had some sort of grudge against humanity. I emphatically deny it: the whole point of this bog is to promote a spirit of camaraderie within the ape family by opening a channel of communication with my dear hairless cousins. I have the deepest admiration for more than a dozen humans, whom I shall eulogize on this site in an exciting new great humans series.
Let’s start the ball rolling with Troy Tempest, captain of a submarine called Stingray, and star of a television programme of the same name. Captain Tempest is brave and resourceful, virtues also found in many hairy apes. But he has one quality that is uniquely human: he is chivalrous.
Proof of this is seen in his conduct toward Marina, an aquatic woman with whom he has fallen in love. Marina is a mysterious beauty who can breathe underwater but is unfortunately mute, making it impossible for Captain Tempest to court her in the customary human fashion. But it would have been quite easy for him to force his attentions on her, secure in the knowledge that whatever her feelings about rough sex she would have been unable to complain afterwards. I admit that a male gorilla would offer no special consideration to a mute female in a similar situation: he would wait patiently until she was in season and then mount her without compunction. But the lovely Marina escapes such a fate thanks to the noble instincts of the gentle Captain Tempest, who adores her from afar – or from arm’s length at any rate.
In these more cynical times, there are some who might deride Captain Tempest as a sexually repressed buffoon, who in denying his own needs also prevents Marina from attaining proper womanly fulfilment. But I sense a deeper human wisdom, a realisation that some things are not meant to be, and that no good can come from mating with a woman who smells ever so slightly of fish.
I leave you with the song played at the end of the TV show, a crooning ode to Marina that might have been composed by Captain Tempest himself.
Let’s start the ball rolling with Troy Tempest, captain of a submarine called Stingray, and star of a television programme of the same name. Captain Tempest is brave and resourceful, virtues also found in many hairy apes. But he has one quality that is uniquely human: he is chivalrous.
Proof of this is seen in his conduct toward Marina, an aquatic woman with whom he has fallen in love. Marina is a mysterious beauty who can breathe underwater but is unfortunately mute, making it impossible for Captain Tempest to court her in the customary human fashion. But it would have been quite easy for him to force his attentions on her, secure in the knowledge that whatever her feelings about rough sex she would have been unable to complain afterwards. I admit that a male gorilla would offer no special consideration to a mute female in a similar situation: he would wait patiently until she was in season and then mount her without compunction. But the lovely Marina escapes such a fate thanks to the noble instincts of the gentle Captain Tempest, who adores her from afar – or from arm’s length at any rate.
In these more cynical times, there are some who might deride Captain Tempest as a sexually repressed buffoon, who in denying his own needs also prevents Marina from attaining proper womanly fulfilment. But I sense a deeper human wisdom, a realisation that some things are not meant to be, and that no good can come from mating with a woman who smells ever so slightly of fish.
I leave you with the song played at the end of the TV show, a crooning ode to Marina that might have been composed by Captain Tempest himself.
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