steal the vehicle, but only after the driver had absconded on arriving at the station. A man who is too cowardly to witness an arrest that he himself has instigated deserves what he gets.
How would you have reacted if Ms Gille had stripped off in a cab you were driving? I take the view that such behaviour is usually a cry for help. Rather than dumping her on the police, I would have attempted to soothe her disquiet and address her legitimate concerns.
“Madam,” I would have said, “your current state of undress is plainly the consequence of an agitated mind. What say I bring you a cup of coffee from yonder café, that we may discuss your aspirations in a civilised manner? Nudity is far more likely to yield a satisfactory outcome when combined with friendly negotiation. You will forgive me for taking the car keys with me.”
As it was, the woman was arrested and must now face the humiliation of a courtroom appearance, where she will no doubt be lectured by a supercilious judge, while enduring the indecent smirks of the lackeys who attend such proceedings. Never was a fare-paying passenger so cruelly rewarded for exposing her assets.
Truth be told, these are stressful times for women of all classes and persuasions. Even mega-stars such as Lady Gaga are feeling emotionally and sartorially vulnerable. The eccentric diva has attracted much comment for wearing a dress made of meat, but it seems that this was merely a ruse to divert attention from deeper insecurities. I say this because a former female assistant of Gaga has revealed that her boss couldn’t bear to spend the night apart from her. The fact that the assistant was married did not deter Gaga in the slightest. She would send text messages to her employee's husband saying:
“Can your wife stay with me tonight?”
For some reason, the husband rarely attempted to interpose his veto. Perhaps he was intimidated by Gaga’s status and wealth, or maybe he was flattered by her interest in his spouse. Whatever the whyfores and wherefores, his wife spent more time in her boss’s bed than his own.
Before anyone gets the wrong idea, I should emphasize that there was no sexual motive in any of this – Gaga was simply frightened of sleeping alone and wanted to snuggle up to a girlfriend. It seems that her bold and brassy image is merely a front for a timid little girl who’s afraid of the Bogeyman. If she ever visits the Congo, I’ll be sure to introduce her to my females so they can soothe her girlish anxieties. There are few safer places to rest your head than the hairy bosom of a female gorilla.
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